Slimy Squeeze
by LadyFlowDi
Summary: Clark finds himself, with a little help from Lex, Rose, and Yasmine Bleeth.


Slimy Squeeze  
  
  
I was going insane. Deliciously, provocatively, perfectly insane.   
  
I've noticed that during times like these Lex becomes a disgusting little toad of a man who I hate, violently. Not only does he become a slimy sleezeball of frog dung, he makes me want to chunk him out of my barn window, dust my hands, and be done with him and his tight ass.  
  
Yeah right. That sounded fake even to *me*, and I'm the one thinking it.  
  
Said slimeball was sprawled out on the couch beside me, graceful limbs all aflutter in their thick, warm sweater that must have been knit around him it was so perfect. He was munching on popcorn happily from a bowl between my thighs, sipping a Vanilla Coke ("Those bastards over at Coca-Cola finally did something right. I only suggested it to them fifteen times. Some people are just thick headed, Clark.") with gusto.  
  
I was going insane *and* I was a dork.   
  
Two years ago, I'd had known I was only Clark Kent. Two months ago, I'd known I was finished gaining powers and this was it. And until about two nights ago, I'd known I was straight.   
  
What would I know tomorrow?   
  
Fate had a funny way of changing things when I didn't want it too. Sure, I was a laid back guy. Cool, smooth. I usually took things as they came, freaked, then cooled and was okay. But this time...   
  
He was humming. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. He was humming along to Celine Dion as the boat was sinking under Jack and Rose and here I was, sitting next to him with a bowl of popcorn in my lap and his hand going back and forth.  
  
Back. And. Forth.  
  
Breathe. Breathing. Inhale, farm boy!  
  
Of course, the crowning achievement in the Clark Kent embarrassment awards had come those two nights ago I was telling you about.   
  
"*I thought maybe I should tell you something*,* Clark*."  
  
"*Hmm*?"  
  
"*I*'*ve been doing a little bit of soul searching*."  
  
"*Which everyone*'*s entitled to*."  
  
"*Well*, *my soul searching told me that I*'*m gay*."  
  
"*Err...*"  
  
My face flushed at the memory. Damn, I am in actuality a flaming, senseless lump of cow boy. Not that Id ever admit that. Number one on my Don't Ever Do list.  
  
Damnit, damnit. How was he even...how did Lex even know? How did he *know* he was gay? Had the Gay Fairies just waltzed in and bowed all prissy princess-like and told him, "*Yo*, *Lexypoo*, *you like cock up the ass*! *Deal with it*! *Find yourself a lovely manly man and be joyful*! *Lalala and some shit like that*."  
  
I'm sure it would amuse Lex endlessly to see how truly cynical my brain was.  
  
The $64,000 question was....how could he have possibly come to the conclusion that he was gay? What had told him...what had shown him? Because you know what? I really needed that advice right about now. Needed to understand why I could stare at chi chi's on any average female and *still* be thinking about nice male parts on nice male bodies of who were named Lex at the same time.  
  
I mean, lookit me. I spared a glance at the ladies of the Moulin Rouge as they danced across the back end of my barn poster style as if the beauties could tell me anything. There ya go, Clarky. You've got women surrounding you...look, lookit Yasmine Bleeth. Look at how she bounces on your ceiling.   
  
Pretend that Lex's head wasn't tipped back too, staring at the well endowed female adorning the roof of my Blissful Escape of Barnitude.  
  
"Uh...Clark?"  
  
"Yep?" No, that wasn't an unmanly squeak. Of course not.  
  
"Why do you have a naked woman on your ceiling?"  
  
Cause I'm a guy. And I'm damn manly. "She's not naked...look, their are some purple...things."  
  
"That cant even be called a g-string. That's a..."I'm so naked, screw me silly!" string."  
  
"Yeah, well." Flushflushflush and wouldn't it be fun to screw someone else silly? I rubbed the back of my burning neck and pretended to get engrossed back into the film in front of me, snickering lightly as that bastard Billy Zane caught the back end of a loogey.   
  
And really hoped that my next new power wouldn't be for me to explode into flames.  
  
Not that I didn't catch the soft, simple smile across Lex's face, the way his huge blue eyes danced with amusement....the way he smiled, just crookedly, along one side of his mouth. When that dimple winked itself into existence whenever he got really amused.  
  
Christ. I wasn't gay. I couldn't be gay. I. Could. Not. Be. Gay. I had Yasmine! Yasmine, staring at me! Yasmine and her breasts! Her overly large, bouncy breasts!!   
  
Sure. But I also had the image of Lex staring at me under long lashes at the Talon, gazes so full of promise and need that they warmed my blood to boiling and left me shaky and breathless.  
  
I let out a little breath because he was really close and I was thinking really bad thoughts that was doing bad bad bad bad things to my body. Bad. And because we were sharing a bowl of popcorn he was in the very near vicinity of my lap.   
  
As fun as it would be, letting Lex see how aroused I was went against number 14 of my Don't Ever Do list.  
  
And that's why I thought he was a bit of nether-region frog dung. Not only did I have the normal teenage angst invading my life, I now had to figure out if my feelings for Lex were normal, if I was normal for being this angsty over Lex, and wondering vaguely if I'd suddenly become a thirteen year old girl.  
  
I'd gone and fallen in love with a twenty something playboy billionaire.  
  
The very thought of it had me giggling.  
  
Pert, questioning brow my way. "Clark?"  
  
"You're gay."  
  
His other brow shot up to meet the other one, and his face flushed slightly. "Yes. Does that make you uncomfortable?"  
  
I shot him the goofiest grin before claiming him for a kiss. "Nah."  
  
I really had to edit my Don't Do list. 


End file.
